最高相似度示例 · 非人工确认结果
目标片段我当时我就我就跟他说，我说，但是这个小孩拿着菜刀架在自己脖子上，这么极端的行为，之前肯定有着一长串非常漫长的值得警醒的有问题的行为。但是这个家长选择忽视，他，选择无所谓，他选择让问题发展到那个极端。比如说只要他成绩好，其他东西我都不在乎。就这个小孩的问题肯定不是出现在他自己身上，肯定是他家长的问题，肯定是这个家长漫长的一系列的行为沟通方式，导致了这两个人之间，一切沟通都变得不再可能。当一切沟通都变得不再可能的时候，还剩下什么，还剩下战斗吗？
来源片段What are the top mistakes that you see parents making in that situation? Well, one of the things that I talk a lot about with parents, particularly if they're estranged on the path to a strange move, is to really empathize with what the child is saying or doing that, assuming your child has good reasons for their behavior. So if a child has cut off contact, I commonly advise parents to say something like, I know that you wouldn't do this unless it was the healthiest thing for you to do. From the parent's perspective, it isn't the healthiest thing for them to do. But from the adult child's perspective, it is. So the parent has to form
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relationships that give you support when you need it and that give you a sense of purpose and a sense of belonging. And of course, it sounds as though a lot of people when they're in a moment of conflict with their parents say, this is stressing me out. This is bad for my mental health. Let's cut those relationships off. It's a hypothesis I'm formulating, but I don't think it's a particularly outrageous one to say, in fact, if that's your operating principle, it's going to have a really negative impact on your mental health. Absolutely. We have an enormous problem in this country of social isolation, loneliness, depression, and high rates of mental illness. And it's in part because
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但是之所以在我的成长过程中会成为如此巨大的一个问题，会有这么多层出不穷的人来告诉我，我不够让别人舒服，我能不能改一改？我觉得一部分原因是跟我是一个女孩有关。但是话虽这么说，实际上拥有这个特质的男人，也应该思考，我接下来要思考的问题，对吧？哪怕你受到了社会习俗的偏爱，把不妥协和强势当作成功男人必要的特质。他其实这种偏爱掩盖了这种特质和其他人之间会产生的必然冲突，社会习俗的偏爱，让他们可以不去思考这个问题，不代表这个问题不值得去思考，只代表了他们的理所当然，让他们因此变得更加懒惰而愚蠢。
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relationships and so on. And I think actually they are often beautiful repositories of both advice and sensible moral judgment. I think it really actually increases your faith in humanity, that most upverted responses are sensible and humane. But if there's one tendency on those forums that I really noticed that gives me pause, it is to pathologize everything, that is sort of at full short of ideal behavior, isn't just, well, this was bad, this person shouldn't be doing this, or they were having enough day. This is a red flag of
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但是话虽这么说，实际上拥有这个特质的男人，也应该思考，我接下来要思考的问题，对吧？哪怕你受到了社会习俗的偏爱，把不妥协和强势当作成功男人必要的特质。他其实这种偏爱掩盖了这种特质和其他人之间会产生的必然冲突，社会习俗的偏爱，让他们可以不去思考这个问题，不代表这个问题不值得去思考，只代表了他们的理所当然，让他们因此变得更加懒惰而愚蠢。所以这是我接下来想要回忆和反思的东西，在我人生的很长一段时间。
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hostile that the adult child in these cases does have to choose their own mental health over the relationship with the parent. But I think it's important for the adult child to do due diligence, to give the parent the opportunity to heal the relationship, to do family therapy, and to approach the complaints that they have to the parent and about the parent in a way that makes it possible for the parent to hear and respond. You're not going to get a great response from your parent if you enter it saying that they're toxic or narcissistic or they have a borderline personality disorder. You're just going to shut down the conversation in ways
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你要么给他开药，要么通过某种能够让家长自己一劳永逸的方式来解决自己。小孩身上明明来自这些家长的问题。我妈跟那些家长说，你的小孩其实没病，是你有病，然后就被投诉了。但是投诉这些家长不满意的是我妈给他们的答案。这个答案是想要建立沟通的可能性，需要家长改变自己。因为在家庭的权力结构中，真正能够带来改变的是家长，而不是小孩。但是当我妈说这个话的时候，基本上没有家长愿意听。